I gave Santa a long list this year, but looking at the boxes under the tree, it doesn't look like he filled many of my requests.

I guess I'll just have to do it myself next year!

 

The Night Before Christmas

Adapted by Michael Albee

'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the garage,
There wasn't a trace of a Chevy, or Dodge.

The presents were wrapped and under the tree,
except that is, for the ones marked "for me".
Deciding to put a few onto my ride,
I grabbed my new mods and I slipped right outside.

In the shop I'd just gone and lifted the hood,
When a voice back behind me said "Hey ... that looks pretty good!"
As you can imagine, I turned around quick,
And there by my workbench, stood good 'ol Saint Nick!

We stood talking a while before I heard him say,
"I don't 'spose you'd trade me your ride for my sleigh?"
I said "NO WAY Santa" then I smiled and grinned,
"But if you've got a few minutes we could go out for a spin!"

As the reindeer stood watching, I fired it up,
I drove a few blocks and then I lit 'em up!
The torque and performance took Nick by surprise,
You could tell that he liked it, by that gleam in his eyes.

With tires a-spinnin' and tail-pipes aglow,
We headed on out where all drag racers go.
Santa's grin widened when we rolled thru the gates,
he said, "what's it run? ... I'll bet it's low 12.28's!"

"Make a pass with it Santa," ... "run it up through the gears",
"It the most fun you'll have in the next 20 years."
As his ran through the traps and shifted to drive,
I heard, "This is totally cool", and "I've never felt so alive!"

He came back to the pits, and gave me the keys,
as he walked past the headlights he shook at the knees!
As we drove back to town, Santa said once or twice,
"What a sweet car", "bet it really eats rice!"

Gettin' back home Santa knew he was late,
so he just said, "Merry Christmas ... The ride, was just great!"
"Take good care of that car from it's head to it's tail,
and give me a call ...... if it's ever for sale!!!"

 

The Night Before Christmas - the Mopar version

'Twas the night before Christmas and out on the streets,
Only Mopars were winning against Fords and "Heartbeats."

The stop lights were hung over the streets with care,
Getting ready to change for those drivers who dare.

The children were nestled all snug in there beds,
While visions of Hot Wheels danced in their heads.

My wife was on the phone and I in the garage,
Staring at my Miss Mopar collage.

When out on the drive rolled up such a rumble,
You knew for the owner it was hard to be humble.

I recognized the sound but had to see for myself,
I knew this was no blue oval elf.

I was right, there it was, in it's plum crazy glow,
A '71 426 'Cuda built for go.

The black billboard split as the door opened wide,
A large sack of parts was then tossed outside.

A leg swung out with a tall black boot,
Then there he stood in a red and white suit.

It was Santa, St. Nick, in all of his glory,
"But Santa, please tell me, just what is the story?"

"Where is your sleigh, your eight tiny deer?"
He said "I traded them in on 425 horses and a 4.10 gear!"

"I test drove 'em all, every single musclecar,
But none can beat 'Cheevies' like a Hemi Mopar!"

"And son you've been good and learned all the tricks,
So I'm swapping your small block for a 426!"

Then he grabbed up his tools and went straight to the chore.
The swap took one hour, no less and no more.

This guy was good, but something wasn't right...
Santa couldn't have learned to do that overnight.

He torqued the last nut and then walked away,
"With this," he said proudly, "you'll beat 'Cheevies' all day!"

All at once it hit me, I recognized the voice,
His skill with the tools, his words of choice.

Once I figured it out, it was really no surprise,
This was Big Daddy Don Garlits in a Santa disguise.

He collected up his tools and went back to his ride,
Put his stuff in the trunk and hopped back inside.

With a whine of the starter, the beast came alive,
And with a shift to reverse, he backed out of my drive.

With pistol grip in hand he shifted into first,
And the 'Cuda jumped forward with a quick but smooth burst.

I could see he was happy about what he had done,
He had turned my car into major Mopar fun.

But he had to be going, he had much to do,
Lots of Hemis to be swapped in hours too few.

And I heard him exclaim as he snatched second gear...
"Have a smooth running Christmas and a Mopar New Year"